Anonymous asked: As much as I want and hope for a love relationship, I feel as though it's not "meant for" me. As if fate has said I'm not allowed one. I'm losing hope the older I get but I don't want to settle for being alone the rest of my life.
"I feel as though it’s not ‘meant for’ me. As if fate has said I’m not allowed one."
If you want to find love, then that feeling is your enemy. As long as you feel that way, Querent, you’ll be less likely to try, or to recognize opportunities as they pass. Find the root of it, and dig it out.
The Star is your pure, distilled self. Even if you wind up being alone for long expanses of your life — which is so common and so natural, Querent, that it can hardly be considered a failure — you don’t have to settle for being alone. It is a completely noble and worthwhile way to be. If that time is dominated by feelings of bitterness and anxiety over your solitude to a point that stagnates your personal growth, then that is the failure.
We all have the capacity to ripen, deepen, mature. It’s just a matter of whether we actually choose to, what path we lay out for ourselves.
You can accomplish many wonders between now and your next relationship, Querent. When others behold you, you will sparkle and shine with them.
When there’s no one around to behold you, you’ll still sparkle and shine all the same.
redreila89 asked: My name is Amanda (04/26/1989) and my son's father name is Jeffrey (6/9/1986). We were together for six years until I left him early November. I loved him when I left him, but felt it was necessary at the time. Wednesday I gave him an envelope containing three letters on how I felt and my wishes. Today on facebook I friend requested him and left him a message about our son. He has not accepted or contacted me back. My Q is will we get back together or can you give me some insight/advice?
When you bare your soul to someone, don’t be surprised if they take you at your word. They may not like what you have to say, but eventually they’ll probably respect your commitment to your position.
If you reverse or alter that position a short time later, they’re correct to proceed with caution — what you’re telling them is that you don’t have a firm grasp of your own motivations. It’s hard for someone to take you at your word if that word keeps changing, ya know?
You’ve said what you had to say. You don’t have control over how or when he responds. He needs to satisfy his obligations to his child, and if it comes to that, there are ways to make sure this happens that don’t involve personal, emotional appeals.
Focus on your own small corner of the universe. Spend time learning more about your own needs and boundaries. He deserves the chance to decide his own course based on everything you’ve laid out. Continuing to press him for a reaction is unlikely to work out in your favor.
Anonymous asked: I've been in love with the same boy for about a year, he is my best friend, and I couldn't imagine my life without him. He was having girlfriend troubles and started becoming really flirty with me, but now he thinks they're getting back together and I feel used and lead on. Was it all just an ego boost? Did he actually love me? And is it a lost cause to wait for him, should I just move on?
Sorry Querent, but if it’s not nourishing you, then it’s not love.
Whatever small thing happened between you, it sounds like you both got a temporary ego boost out of it, and it doesn’t sound like he took anything that you didn’t freely offer. You’re no longer getting the benefit of that boost because of expectations you brought to the situation. Maybe he should have been a little wiser about it, but it’s not his responsibility to tend the garden of your feelings, Querent — it’s yours.
Breakups can be confusing times. Never get involved with someone who’s in the throes of one, unless you can do so from a place of total confidence and generosity, or unless you have your own comfortable perch to retreat to.
Forgive him. Forgive yourself. Cultivate love in more receptive places. Repeat as necessary.
Five responses launched today. WHOOSH! The queue, she is empty.
Just a general reminder: I am not doing private readings at this time. I appreciate all the requests and wish I could help out, but that’s just soooo not where my is mojo is flowing these days.
I’m grateful for your questions — every day there is some new wrinkle that challenges me as a reader. I know not every answer will satisfy. I’m not always satisfied with what I have to say. I’m glad to offer an outsider’s perspective, even if you end up going a different way.
Anonymous asked: Omg I have lost my temper and told him it's over as well as some ugly truths about his behaviour that I had kept to myself for not wanting to hurt him. I didn't want to end it like this. We have many issues but I love him despite them. Have I put a final period where there should only have been a comma?
Wow, all coins today? I guess that’s fitting for Black Friday.
It’s been a day or two since this posted, Querent, so maybe everything has resolved already? Either way, it’s not too soon to start forgiving yourself for any mistakes you made (we all make them) and getting to the root of why you made this particular one so that you’re less likely to repeat it in the future.
It takes a lot of trust for me as a reader to decide whether I believe what people say about themselves, the way they present their own problems. The facts they provide, the facts they omit.
Whatever happened, Querent, relationships have survived worse. They’ve also been demolished over less.
The Nine of Coins is a state of true satisfaction and comfort attained as a result of making the best of whatever life gives you, even if it’s quite different than what you wanted at the beginning. Is that you? Or are you secretly resentful of how things have turned out for you, and taking it out on the most convenient target?
I drew a few extra cards here, to see if they hinted at an outcome one way or another. No dice, Querent. However, I have decided I believe you, that you sincerely want to make an attempt at reconciliation, that this isn’t just fear at finding oneself single during the holidays or craving the company of your fellow co-dependent.
So I guess all you can really do now is reach out your hand and see if the bird will still land in it. No tricks, no traps, no tests. Just:
1. Sincerely apologize for being cruel.
2. Sincerely promise not to be cruel anymore.
3. Keep that promise.
(Based on my experience with both men and birds, it never hurts to bring food.)