Anonymous asked: I have recently found myself at the center of a love triangle between my two best friends. I have these deep feelings that I continue to stuff down because I don't want anyone to get hurt. Am I only hurting myself with this secret?
All of you are being hurt. The things we do in the name of protecting our loved ones are often more harmful than whatever we’re protecting them from; the truths we obscure in order to protect ourselves never actually go away, they just keep working their pointy little way through the layers we throw down over them.
Everyone involved is responsible for finding their own path through this mess. No one can do that as long as everyone keeps shifting position. By perpetuating this dance, you are denying yourself and your friends a chance to have truly loving relationships.
Find your own firm ground. Be honest, even if that means exposing past untruths. Remember this sage advice by Anne Lamott: “You don’t always have to chop with the sword of truth. You can point with it too.”
The change starts with you, Querent.
avidplecostomus-deactivated2013 asked: I have been having a lot of struggles in my life lately. I feel damned no matter what decision I make. Every major choice I must make in my life recently lead to major changes and possible loss. What should I do?
Something about the simplicity of your question moves me. I bet there are some sad stories there…
Three versions of the same woman, unrecognizable to each other. On the left, the grieving Queen who is certainly wiser for her tragic experiences, but who’s grown a bit colder, a bit more defensive. She gazes off stage left, not yet ready to move on.
On the right, we have Justice. One might read her as a sort of triumphant version of the first card — she wields the same sword, but with defiance and confidence. Where the figure on the left is veiled, the figure on the right looks directly outward at us, clear-eyed and unblinking. She is propelled forward by the sheer force of her desire to make things right, to set the record straight.
Remember this as you travel the “Sadder <—-+—-> Wiser” spectrum: this unfortunate period marks the end of a significant cycle in your life. Once you loosen your grip on that sword, a whole bevy of other magical tools will reveal themselves to you, spurring you to venture out in other directions. The woman on top of The World may look like she’s falling, but she’s actually dancing — above “right” and “wrong” decisions, above friends and enemies alike. That is what awaits you, when you’re ready. Whatever happens after that is anyone’s guess…
Wisdom is the product of experience, which usually is shorthand for “suffering.” But there is contentment in wisdom. There will be times later on when your life seems incredibly boring, with no major changes to be made or risks to be taken, but then you’ll remember phases like the one you’re currently going through and feel gratitude and awe all over again.
Damnation isn’t real, Querent, but despair is. Try to think instead that you are blessed no matter what decision you make, no matter what the outcome may be. You are blessed either way. Loss is always possible, that’s why it’s pointless to fear it.
Take care, you.
Anonymous asked: I have been single for a decade. I have no biological family and my close friends live far away. I am deeply isolated in my life - a decade ago I was gang raped so it has taken me a long time to trust again... This year I got to a better place with myself and recently met a man that I felt a deep connection to. Is he my Soulmate as I believe him to be?
Hello, Querent. I really wanted to approach your problem as sensitively as possible, but then right off the bat I managed to draw a card that portrays someone fending off multiple assailants, and I had to sort of sit here and breathe for a moment before proceeding.
Anyhow, if we can accept the Seven of Wands as being emblematic of “past struggles,” that leads me to interpret the Five as discordant echoes of that period, which wind up negatively coloring the way you experience other interactions — even fairly innocuous ones. Note that the combatants in Pamela Colman Smith’s version seem like mere children playing at battle; there is little actually at stake, and yet the conflict still disquiets you.
The Justice card at the end tells me that you’re seeing things with clear eyes now, Querent — carefully evaluating each move as you make it, but no longer jumping at phantoms. She’s a glorious and compelling figure, isn’t she? I’m fascinated by this beautiful new phase in your evolution.
While there isn’t anything inherently romantic about this card, she’s in a much better position to trust her own judgment. I don’t ever make assurances to people regarding soulmates because I’ve watched so many people forced to walk away from relationships which had previously seemed written in stardust (as Tennessee Williams wrote, “A woman must not have a heart that is too big to swallow”). However, I drew an extra card as a comment on your recent love interest, and got the steady, sensual Prince of Coins. Study up on that card, Querent, and see if you can gather any practical insights about how to proceed with him. For the record, I think it could be a good match!
Congratulations on the progress you’ve made. Ever upward, Querent.