A R C A N A L O G U E

What can I do to allow myself to heal and love?

Wed, 30 May 2012 15:09:49 -0400

By helping others and being a reliable source of support and comfort for them. Helping people deal with their own suffering can help you slip out from under your own. Acting selflessly during difficult times is a way of reconnecting with your essential humanity. You’ll be able to build upward from there soon enough, Querent.

I'm on a verge of giving up, when are things going to finally start looking up for me, everyone around me seems to be getting fast results of their share of happiness

blunt — Tue, 29 May 2012 19:04:00 -0400

Mary K. Greer teaches that this can sometimes be seen as the “having-everything” but “longing-for-more” card. That tells me that you’ve got more going for you in this situation than you realize. There’s a saying that goes “Never compare your insides to other people’s outsides.” I bet those people around you who seem so happy are dealing with some of the same doubts that you’ve got.

Anyhow, don’t begrudge other people their happiness, real or illusory. Eyes on your own work, Querent! You’re not in a competition with anyone else. You’re not even on the same game-board, in the same time-zone. Your path is entirely your own, so let’s start clearing it.

Make a list of your problems, large and small. Then take each problem and break it down into a list of smaller problems or tasks. Some those can be broken down even further, into even smaller bits. Now you have a list of manageable steps that will help you start small. Can’t tackle one whole big problem in one day? Okay fine — but maybe you can do the one tiny thing that will get you that much further along, making it that much easier for you to attempt it tomorrow.

The Two of Wands figure looks out into the distance, Querent, hungers for it — but does not yet dare go out into it. Focus on the ten feet of road right in front of you. It’s amazing how rapidly short distances add up into miles…

You won’t give up. It’s almost always easier to go on than it is to give up.

Im wondering if my ex boyfriend is the man I am supposed to be with (ie, marriage, soul mates, kids, etc). We were together for 6 months, recently broke up, but have been talking still and continuing to sleep together. Am I ruining my chance at finding the real man I am meant to be with, or is he it and this is just how its supposed to work out?

Tue, 29 May 2012 18:37:51 -0400

My deck seems to think that you could use a breath of fresh air, relationship-wise. It’s time to apply yourself in new directions. This is not a leap of faith — just a small step. The road will rise to meet it!

As long as he’s still getting the sex and companionship he wants, he has zero incentive to officially get back together with you OR to break things off entirely. Think about it, Querent.

I have been having a lot of struggles in my life lately. I feel damned no matter what decision I make. Every major choice I must make in my life recently lead to major changes and possible loss. What should I do?

blunt — Tue, 29 May 2012 01:27:00 -0400

Something about the simplicity of your question moves me. I bet there are some sad stories there…

Three versions of the same woman, unrecognizable to each other. On the left, the grieving Queen who is certainly wiser for her tragic experiences, but who’s grown a bit colder, a bit more defensive. She gazes off stage left, not yet ready to move on.

On the right, we have Justice. One might read her as a sort of triumphant version of the first card — she wields the same sword, but with defiance and confidence. Where the figure on the left is veiled, the figure on the right looks directly outward at us, clear-eyed and unblinking. She is propelled forward by the sheer force of her desire to make things right, to set the record straight.

Remember this as you travel the “Sadder <—-+—-> Wiser” spectrum: this unfortunate period marks the end of a significant cycle in your life. Once you loosen your grip on that sword, a whole bevy of other magical tools will reveal themselves to you, spurring you to venture out in other directions. The woman on top of The World may look like she’s falling, but she’s actually dancing — above “right” and “wrong” decisions, above friends and enemies alike. That is what awaits you, when you’re ready. Whatever happens after that is anyone’s guess…

Wisdom is the product of experience, which usually is shorthand for “suffering.” But there is contentment in wisdom. There will be times later on when your life seems incredibly boring, with no major changes to be made or risks to be taken, but then you’ll remember phases like the one you’re currently going through and feel gratitude and awe all over again.

Damnation isn’t real, Querent, but despair is. Try to think instead that you are blessed no matter what decision you make, no matter what the outcome may be. You are blessed either way. Loss is always possible, that’s why it’s pointless to fear it.

Take care, you.

what a beautiful deck! may i find a copy of it these days? what is it? thank you, and congrats on the wonderful blog :) love of tarot for life!

Mon, 28 May 2012 20:53:35 -0400

It’s the Victoria Regina deck (their site seems to be all sorts of broken). The deck is currently out of print — I don’t see any for sale on eBay, and Amazon has some for nearly $200.

I’m so glad you’re enjoying the blog! Thanks for your kind words.

I've been feeling "stuck" for the past few years. Now I am trying to decide between two opposite courses, and feel frozen. One path is going back to school, the other moving across the country. Which is the right course?

blunt — Mon, 28 May 2012 20:48:00 -0400

Not that *I* should have the final say, but my purely card-based advice is that you should genuinely follow your heart in this matter instead of weighing between potential practical outcomes. See the little Princess gazing longingly toward the King, and her native sea? She knows where she wants to go, and who she wants to become. Let her.

Also: can’t you maybe do both, eventually? If you move cross country, you can always decide to pursue an education there. OR you could return — it’s not like your local program is going anywhere. This is a big decision, but try not to think of it in all-or-nothing terms.

You know that thing where you flip a coin to decide, but you know before it hits the ground which side you’re secretly hoping to see? Yeah, that.

Just wanted to say thank you for your reading! I had asked you if my lonliness would come to an end soon and if I'd find someone, and you were correct! I found what I was missing like a week after you read for me. Wish you the best and thank you again. Take it easy

Mon, 28 May 2012 20:10:02 -0400

Aw, thanks Anonymous! You get all the credit for this one — I’m just a stranger playing guessing games on the internet. xo

Lately I've been feeling like I'm stuck in a limbo. I can't see clearly what my situation is. I have plans, but I don't know if I'm aiming too high or if I can actually accomplish them. Could you help me clarify my situation? Thanks a lot for sharing your knowledge and helping others, you're doing a great work.

blunt — Mon, 28 May 2012 20:03:00 -0400

Oof, you are staggering under quite a burden. Obligations, responsibilities, and other stressors are keeping you pinned in place. The Ten cards all indicate the end of a cycle. Each of them represents its suit at the furthermost edge of its arc — it’s both a climax and a tipping point.

You’ve carried this particular bundle as far as you can, Querent. Don’t worry about aiming too high, you can adjust your expectations later on when your arms are finally free and your mind is clearer. For now it’s all about whatever it takes to get you out from under your load.

Congrats on making it to this new leaping-off point!

I'm in a problem. I have a wonderful boyfriend whom I'm in love with. I also have this friend whom I care for and like. We've apparently had a relationship in a previous life. I don't want to lose either of them. I'm open with my friend, but closed off with my boyfriend. I can't tell my bf about the friend. He'll be jealous, even when the friend and I aren't in a relationship. I don't want to destroy the relationship with the bf. What do the cards have instore for me in this problem?

blunt — Mon, 28 May 2012 19:51:00 -0400

Tough love from me, Querent. I’m agnostic when it comes to past lives, but I’m downright intolerant of people using past-life experiences as a justification for destructive behavior in this life.

You are actively destroying your relationship with your boyfriend. If you stay together, you’ll eventually have to choose between admitting what you’ve been hiding, or making up new lies to continue the deceit. If you two break up, you’ll probably chalk it up to fate. How convenient — that will excuse you from taking any responsibility for your actions.

I find jealousy to be an equally intolerable quality in a partner, so I don’t date jealous people. I also would not want to date someone who hides relationships from me. So I guess at this point I wouldn’t blame either of you for deciding to end the relationship.

The Chariot indicates that the decisions you’re making now have longer-term results than you may be aware of. It also urges you to focus in a single direction and give yourself over to wherever it takes you. Your days of having your cake and eating it too are numbered. Decisive action is needed for you to continue growing and/or loving.

Take care, Querent!

Hi my name is michele may I have a free reading not a private reading but a only a reading :-) I have a few questions :Will I have some success with theater and literature stuff? When will I find some short affairs? thank you very much

Sat, 26 May 2012 18:14:02 -0400

I drew a card for each question.

1. Success is out there waiting for you, but you are going to have to meet it more than halfway. Set your sights, plot your course, and then start marching. You don’t have to know what every leg of the journey will look like in order to start out on it — having a dream or an urge is enough.

2. Looks like you might be stuck with some pretty boring options for awhile, affair-wise. Fortunately I’ve already given you some other homework to focus on in the meantime ;)

Hello Arcanalogist! I can think of a couple of questions, but am I prepared for the answer? Undecided! If something is really important to me and I can only fathom getting sunny major arcana answers, i'd better hold off.

Sat, 26 May 2012 18:07:15 -0400

You’re good at this. Maybe I should be asking YOU for advice…

I've liked a guy for well over a year now. You can kind of say that i ended things in my last relationship because of him. BUT, with that being said, I'm not sure if I should say anything to this guy or not. Can you offer any insight on whether or not the outcome will be positive (if i do end up telling him how I feel.)?

Sat, 26 May 2012 18:02:21 -0400

I see no reason why you shouldn’t make your feelings known, Querent. The only warning I see in this card is that your own attentions may prove to be more fickle — even toward him — than you might have anticipated. If you start something and then decide it’s not really what you wanted, don’t linger out of obligation or resignation or any other -ation. Your utmost responsibility is to yourself, and you are still growing and figuring out what that means.

PS: ending a relationship due to attachments to another person is a perfectly respectable thing to do, even if nothing ever happens with that other person. So, kudos to you there for making a difficult decision, Querent.

Hi, I applied to the school of my dreams and I am not sure if I am cut out for it, should I continue to pursue this dream and my career?

blunt — Sat, 26 May 2012 17:52:00 -0400

If they are dumb enough to say no to you, Querent, make them do it more than once! This past week I went to my partner’s graduation from the school of his dreams; the first time he applied, he didn’t get in. Where would he (or I) be now if he’d decided to take that as a sign that he wasn’t cut out for it?

The Lovers indicates that it’s a good match and a noble choice. I hope you get the answer you’re looking for!

I entered a relationship without my mom knowing and i really wish to talk to her about it. Im scared that she'd hurt him if i did though. Should i still try to talk to her?

blunt — Sat, 26 May 2012 17:40:00 -0400

Wow. Ignoring everything I know about the actual card meanings for a moment, I have to say that the layout above looks exactly like an illustration of your fear — the woman on the left creating a magical explosion that seems to result in the guy on the Tower card being blown right out the window.

Look, I can’t say I have enough info here to tell you what the wisest or safest thing is to do. Sometimes parents are monstrous for good reasons, and sometimes they’re monstrous for terrible reasons. And sometimes, they’re just monsters. There are times when you can make things worse by telling, and times when you can make things worse by not telling. Learning to tell the difference is part of growing up, and unfortunately sometimes the consequences either way can be quite steep.

I’m not psychic or anything like that. But I did get a chill looking at the images above, and seeing that you specifically chose the word “hurt” to describe what she might do. My weak, weaselly answer is that you should explore this relationship for a while and see if it goes anywhere before deciding whether it’s worth talking to Mom about.

In the meantime, please follow your instincts and do talk to someone else about all this. Not just a friend, but someone older who you can trust. If anything bad does happen as a result of all this, it’s invaluable to have someone who knows the situation and who just might be able to help.

Be safe, Querent.

My life has always been a sort of whirlwind-things rarely go as planned and often don't go so well. Lately, it seems that I am getting opportunities that might mean my dreams will come true: Should I take these chances, throw myself out there, and hope everything works out okay? Thank you very much.

blunt — Sat, 26 May 2012 17:23:00 -0400

If eyes are suddenly on you, then give ‘em a show, Querent! Please don’t psych yourself out by thinking in terms of your dreams coming true, or about how stuff didn’t work out in the past. The Magician can’t afford to think about these things, he has to remain fully in the present moment, alert and attentive to what’s happening in the audience right this second. Throw yourself out there, observe what happens, and try to take the future just one card-trick at a time from there.

i'm happily in a relationship, but my boyfriend has been talking to a girl that has a partner. normally i wouldn't care, but this girl is notoriously known to cheat. the thing i'm worried about is that they only seem to talk about her sex life. they've only known each other for a few months, they met when we were temporarily broken up. will they amount to anything further? or basically, what i'm asking is if he is going to cheat on me?

blunt — Sat, 26 May 2012 17:15:00 -0400

I don’t think you have anything to worry about, Querent… from him, at least. After all, he seems to be fairly up-front with you about what’s happening, and I’m sure you’ve voiced your concerns. This is one of those situation where the ball lands right on the line, and one of you calls “FOUL” and the other calls “SAFE.” These things happen. It’s all in how you conduct yourself as you make your case.

She’s the problem, not your boyfriend. She has a history of not respecting boundaries, and she’s acting inappropriately by jeopardizing her own relationship (I’m assuming) as well as your bf’s with all the sex talk. Your bf is acting inappropriately by indulging in sex talk with a partnered female — if for no other reason than he knows it makes you profoundly uncomfortable.

I think it’s fair to ask your boyfriend to let this girl know that the sex talk is creating problems in your relationship. You’ll both learn a lot about her from how she responds. If she takes it seriously and reins it in, then you’ve pretty much got to respect that. If she doesn’t take it seriously and persists with the sexy sexiness, then it proves that she doesn’t care about what the consequences of her actions are, and that means she’s not a safe person to socialize with.

But the bottom line is: you have concerns, your bf isn’t acknowledging them, and this is eroding your trust. That’s the conversation you need to have with him: What is he getting out of this that is worth making you feel so terrible and anxious? If he’s fairly young and/or inexperienced, he may still be learning how his actions affect other people’s feelings in a relationship.

Be patient. This isn’t a competition between you and her, it’s an opportunity for you and he to learn how to more effectively love and listen to each other.

I am currently homeless and staying with a friend until I can get back on my feet. My life is still one mad whirl as an artist, performer, theater designer and I work part-time at the theater where I do all this work. As my theater work is community based, there is no pay. I have dreams of success in some field that I am involved in and would love to be able to make a living at it. Or am I to be a part-time janitor the rest of my life?

blunt — Sat, 26 May 2012 16:49:00 -0400

Your concern is somewhat related to Mike’s just below, so I shouldn’t be surprised to see the Five of Coins resurfacing here. Reading from left to right, here is the story I see playing out:

1. You devote yourself to art, resolving to work hard and make the best of whatever comes your way financially speaking

2. You endure all sorts of hardship based on this decision, and lack many of the comforts enjoyed by those around you

3. You emerge on the other side of this as someone whose talent has been forged in the fire of endurance. You have the courage of your convictions, you’ve learned how to do a lot with just a little, your optimism has become leavened with realism, and inevitably your artistic accomplishments begin to be acknowledged by a larger circle of people.

I’m someone who’s gutted it out along a similar path, and it can be a long one. In my opinion, the key to (eventual) success and stability are fourfold: quality, quantity, personality, and longevity. No one or two (or even three) of these are necessarily enough in their own right. If it requires you to be a part-time janitor for another five years, is that worth it? I think so, but I don’t think it will come to that.

One thing: don’t get so swept up in your dreams and ambitions that you forget to take care of yourself and those around you. I work a lot more hours than I’d rather, just so I can satisfy my creative and my material needs. You have your entire lifetime to inspire people with your artwork — you can afford to take time here and there to learn how to provide for yourself.

On a practical note: learn how to apply for grants. Write to people who actually get paid to do what you do, and ask how you can follow in their footsteps. Offer to assist or intern. Look three steps ahead of where you are now and begin connecting the dots. Best of luck to you, Querent!

I am very creative at work and know that I have a talent for writing. Somehow I am blocked when it comes to writing as a career. I just can't get the words out. I feel sure I was meant to be a writer but that I am blocking my process for some reason. Thank you in advance. Mike

blunt — Sat, 26 May 2012 16:23:00 -0400

I think the reading above will resonate with you. The central figure is in mental anguish, trapped between the thrill of emotional revelation and anxiety over material concerns. That’s the line anyone walks when they decide to tie their preferred form of self-expression to their hopes of stability and career satisfaction. You wind up pulled back and forth between those two priorities until you just become paralyzed. And boy, have I been there.

Instead of running up against the same brick wall over and over with the same types of ideas and projects, (and then beating your face against it for good measure), you need to find something that you can actually bring yourself to write. Even if it’s silly, or seems to have no bearing on where you’d like to end up later on.

Do you think I set out wanting to write a lot about Tarot cards? No sir, Mike. It’s just sort of something that keeps happening. I am very process-oriented, which means I try not to set strict goals — I keep many projects in circulation at once, and I follow them wherever they want to go. Then I convince myself that wherever they end up (even if that’s “nowhere”) is just the way it was meant to be.That way there’s always at least one horse in the stable that actually wants to get out and stretch its legs… even if it’s not necessarily the horse I was hoping to ride.

One advantage to this is that I write more often, with greater output, than I ever did in the days when I tried to concentrate on just one novel or blog. Some of this work has been profitable, some of it hasn’t, but the juices are always flowing.

My advice is to stop thinking of this as a career you need to build and start thinking of it as a practice you want to sharpen. There are so many kinds of writers out there, and instead of whipping yourself for not being a certain kind, discover and make peace with the kind you are. I recommend Lynda Barry’s book “What It Is” as a guide to getting out from under your own brain and exploring the source of your true voice and potential.

Hello Arcanologue, I just want to thank you for the wonderful job you're doing on this blog. It's a precious insight for an apprentice tarot reader like myself, and most of all a source of joy to see all the kindness you put in your comments.. After reading each one of your answers I simply want to hug you ! Please keep up the great job, you good heart !

blunt — Sat, 26 May 2012 15:56:00 -0400

I think you are so wonderful.

blunt — Sat, 26 May 2012 01:21:00 -0400